It Could Have Been
by Meerakari
Summary: A oneshot I decided to write after experiencing something similar. Flashback occurs at the end of the group's high school career. OTherwise, it's set 10 years after they graduate. It's Tezuka and OC, but not entirely romance. Fuji's there, too.


"ARGH!"

Tezuka woke up sweating. He patted the area next to him, only to find no one was there. It had occurred to him years before that the said spot would never be filled, but tonight was different. He had changed, unlike the stoic phase he had gone through in middle and high school. The latter years of his life, as where he was at the moment, were making up for the years of the lack of emotion. He, yes I know, impossible to believe, had _emotions_ now. Nevertheless, his nightmare had brought back awful memories. He wasn't sure when he realized he had regretted what he had said, but all he knew now was that he was the one that couldn't let go of that incident.

-Flashback-

"Please, I know I was wrong. Just one more chance...one more." Kawai gripped his crisp uniform

"I'm passive on trying anymore." Kawai looked up in surprise. He had actually answered. But it wasn't one she wanted to hear.

"I really tried you know. I really, really did. I want to go back to before. Before you pushed me too far emotionally, and I turned up the entire thing. Please, I want to pretend like none of this happened." She begged him, still clutching his sleeve.

"There is nothing like repairing a friendship. Honestly, had you toned down the entire thing, I would've been okay. But my life is complete with tennis and school. I don't want anymore risks in my life, tennis has enough of those." He felt odd telling her his feelings, it wasn't something he did, and he didn't enjoy it at all. But he felt she needed to know that this was it.

"I thought that you would be different. I really did. You were different than Fuji-kun, and Momo-kun. You didn't care about things others did. I felt like it was the first time I could truly understand someone. But I guess I was wrong. I thought you would understand what a difficult time I was going through, but you're no different than everyone else. I hoped that maybe, just maybe you wouldn't have the same reaction as everyone else and run away." Her tone became more serious. She had given up on pleading, it obviously wasn't working. And if this _was_ the end, she might as well tell him everything on her mind.

"You thought I would be different than other guys? Right. In case you haven't noticed the six or seven years you've known me, I like to get out of anything that'll explode while I'm focusing on tennis." He yanked her hand off of his sleeve, and started to walk away.

"Eight." She mumbled.

Tezuka pivoted for a moment and looked at Kawai.

"I've known you for _eight_ years. If you were my friend, you would've known that with all your witty math-smarts. I thought we had something Tezuka. I thought we were friends." Kawai was near tears, but she wouldn't allow herself to show weakness—not whilst facing Tezuka.

"There was nothing close to being with, there's no reason for you to be dramatic if we had _nothing_." Tezuka was getting impatient. Tennis practice was in 30 minutes, and it wouldn't do if the captain was late.

"Nothing? Huh." She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I only make everything more dramatic because I _care_."

"How does that even make sense?" He tapped his foot impatiently

"How does it make sense? Because I didn't want you to know who I liked. If I had told you, tell me. Would you have thought of me the same way? I mean come on. This is _Tezuka_ who is asking me who I like. Would I in a million years even believe this was actually happening? So I chose not to. I wanted to steer clear of every talking about that subject, but you persisted. Sometimes it's not good to use your instincts on the tennis court in daily situations." Her eyes narrowed.

"You know the natural reaction of a human being when you tell someone who you like is to be surprised, and then to not really care? If _you_ had known me for eight years, then you should've known that I was curious and there was nothing else to it. I honestly wouldn't have cared had you told me or not, it was you who chose to make it into a big deal." He had forgotten about practice which was slowly coming closer, he needed to resolve this now.

"I guess I over-analyze then." She looked at her feet. "I just-I just wanted what was best for our friendship."

"Okay look. Friendship is bullshit. You have friends so you can succeed. It is purely for your own use, to help you rise on top. Unless we were together, obviously not, then everything was pure bullshit." Tezuka was heated up, and he wouldn't back down until he had won.

"Look, I may be delusional, and I may dream that maybe sometimes things don't always have to follow the rule. But I know that I'll get farther in life by going through these things and having friends, than you who thinks only of yourself. And I'm pretty damn sure friendships are bonds of sincerity made from two people who mutually agree that they need each others presence." Her eyes narrowed. "Unless you were patronizing me."

"I don't have to time to patronize someone, and I'm almost late for practice, so we'll end this here." He turned around again to leave.

"You cannot possibly leave this here, hanging, and unsolved." She was in complete disbelief.

Tezuka whirled around again, this time for the last time.

"To put this plainly, you are a stain that I want to erase from my life. Forever." He walked towards the Seishun locker rooms, not pausing to see Kawai's reaction.

Kawai sank down to the bench behind her, burying her face in her hands. That was _not_ the Tezuka she knew. Then again, this was the first time he had said something other than "Nnn," or "Yes" to her. It was then that she realized how pathetic she was. After eight years, and never having a proper conversation with him; let alone getting a proper sentence not related to tennis or school with him. That was what she was, pathetic. Blindly chasing after him, knowing he wouldn't give any effort to return her affections. She looked up indignantly. She knew what she had done was right. If he didn't understand her, then he wasn't worth knowing. But she couldn't give up the fact that had she told him who she liked, things would've gotten better. Maybe she wouldn't be just a friend in his eyes, if she had told him the truth. That she liked him. Kawai pondered on the possibility for a moment, picturing where she and Tezuka could have been know if she had confessed. She shook her head violently. No, this was wishful thinking. Tezuka had his choice of girls the day he was born. If he hadn't chosen any of them by now, she was pretty sure he wouldn't have chosen her. I mean why would he? He himself had already told her he thought nothing more of her than a classmate.

Kari stood up to leave, it was getting cold and it wouldn't do to catch a cold, the day before graduation. As she was walking down the streets the pain in her heart had gradually subsided. She knew this incident wouldn't disappear easily, not after that traumatic experience. Kawai got home, and stepped into a steaming bath. There, she let out the tears that she had been holding back. Two hours after she had gotten in, the bath water had turned cold, and she was out of tears. And that was when she knew, she could move on. She didn't have anymore tears for her to cry over him, so she might as well live her life as it would have been had she never met him. Tomorrow was the graduation ceremony; Tezuka was going to the University of Tokyo, while she would go to Hiroshima University. They would be on the opposite sides of Japan, so there wouldn't be any chances of bumping into each other, unless she visited Tokyo.

The next day at graduation, she, along with Tezuka, Fuji, Eiji, Oishi, and Inui would graduate Seishun Gakuen forever. After the ceremony, the group had decided to go out for burgers to celebrate, but Kawai declined.

"Aww, Ka-chan, it's the last time we'll see each other!" Eiji pouted

Kawai patted his head. "My flight is in a few hours, I need to get ready." She smiled. "Anyway, we won't be too far away, you're going to Osaka University, and Oishi and Fuji will be going to Kyoto University. We won't be far away."

"Nya, I guess you're right. Then we'll say goodbye here, and say hello when we see you in a week!" Eiji grinned

"Alright Eiji. Bye!" She hugged Eiji and gave him a small peck on the forehead.

In turn, she gave each of her friend's appropriate goodbyes. When she reached Tezuka, she gave him a curt nod and said, "Good luck."

Then, she turned to leave. She wouldn't meet him again if she was lucky.

Tezuka approved of her courteous nod; at least she had acknowledged him and acted no differently. Had she down-right ignored him, he would've faced questions he had rather left unanswered. He too declined the invitation to eat burgers, and went home alone. It wasn't long until Fuji appeared next to him.

"Saa…You'll regret it you know." Fuji peered up at Tezuka.

"You should really break that habit of yours. It could cost you an expulsion from Kyoto." Tezuka didn't seem fazed by the fact Fuji knew about him and Kawai.

"What habit?" Fuji said

"I'm not one to ponder on trivial things. You should know that. We've known each other for 15 years." Tezuka went on

"16 actually." Fuji grinned

"…" Tezuka stopped and glared at Fuji.

"Saa. Our buchou still can't take a joke." Fuji chuckled quietly when Tezuka raised his voice.

"You should be more worried about Kawai." Tezuka had started walking again.

"She's stronger than she looks, Tezuka. Besides, she knows she did the right thing." With that, Fuji turned right, and disappeared.

Tezuka walked the rest of the way home, along the familiar river, while contemplating what Fuji had said. It wasn't possible that he was wrong, that he would regret this. He had been right for the 18 years that he lived, and now couldn't be an exception.

-End Flashback-

Fuji had been right. He did regret the whole incident. Only if he had the social abilities he had now, derived over the years, he might've realized he thought of Kawai not as a friend, but something more. Until this day, we was sure he didn't like her, but he did know that she wasn't an acquaintance as he had claimed her to be, but more of a best friend. He needed to call her. He couldn't have been wrong when he assumed she never forgot what happened. Knowing her for 8 years had led him to believe that something as important as their fight was something she wouldn't ever forget. He looked at the clock, and picked up his phone to call. 5:00 a.m. wasn't too bad, plus Kawai had stayed up rambling to him for an entire night once. Had she known he was hardly listening to her, and was watching tennis videos, she would've hung up 5 hours before she did. But he had enough courtesy to let her talk. He pressed speed-dial 5 on his phone, and called.

"Hi, this is Fuji and Kawai," Two voices were talking in unison. "Please call our new home phone, we've—Yoh! Shh! Mommy and Daddy are recording! *Wahh.* Ah...ehehe. And we have a new edition to our family! Chrys! Say high to everyone! *baby noises* Saa...Kawai-chan…Should we really be announcing this on our phone? Ano…Please call our new phone! Arigato gozaimasu!"

Tezuka dropped his phone on his bed. Fuji and Kawai? This was news to him. Why hadn't he heard about this? He lay back down in bed, not understanding how come no one had ever updated him on this development.

Tezuka dressed for work; he was not an owner of a multi-millionaire company, which had expanded over 3,000 offices over the world. He had money, and he had lots of it. He'd never broken the habit of walking to work, so as he walked through the crowded streets of Tokyo, it was hard for anything to seem exciting. That is, until he saw them. Across the road, there was a happy family. A beautiful women and three adorable children. His heart ached when he knew he would never have one, but he'd never have thought that that woman was Kawai. Fuji came out of a shop, holding four ice-cream cones, handing one to each of the children, and sharing one with the woman. As Fuji pushed the stroller, their eyes met. Tezuka stared straight into Fuji's eyes, and they broke contact. Tezuka briskly walked forward, into his office building, and into his room.

"Saa…it's nice to be right once in a while." Tezuka turned around, to see Fuji swirling in his chair. "It's been a long time, buchou."

"Hnn." Tezuka nodded in agreement.

"No one told you? Or were you too busy to read your email, listen to your voicemail, and check your email." Fuji stared at him sadistically. "We assumed since you didn't reply to any of our invitations for get-togethers, you didn't want to have anything to do with us anymore."

'Us?" Tezuka asked

"Saa…the old gang, Ryoma and Momo too. Everyone's there, even Kaidoh comes to our get-togethers sometimes. Only you. You're the only one who's never come."

"The wedding?"

"We sent you an invitation, but I guess that was thrown into the furnace too." Fuji stood up

"You broke her heart when you never replied. But she got through it. She's over it. And now we're happily married. So who ended up regretting this in the end?" Fuji left the room, leaving a stunned Tezuka.

So there he was. He was the only one who regretted those painful words he had said to her. Every syllable, he hated himself for saying. He was the only one who couldn't let go, he couldn't move on. And it was then that he realized that he loved her. But she was happily married to his former-best friend with children and she was happy. That's what hurt him the most. Everything was perfect for her, but it should have been _him_ giving the children ice cream, not Fuji. "For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest words are: it might have been."


End file.
